my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
