Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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