Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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