for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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