Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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