Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
