I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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