Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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