I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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