**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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