so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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