When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
