Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
