it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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