Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
