I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
