its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
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