there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
