Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
