are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
