seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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