He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
