The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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