just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
