what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
