I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
