I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
