PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
