my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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