They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
