girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
