Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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