the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
