I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
