Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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