Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wish you could order shots online.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
