people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
