he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
