best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
