Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
