found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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