dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
