A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
