you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
