Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
