I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
