i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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