Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
