im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
