Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
