Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
