You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I lost the right to judge tonight
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
