Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
